There I was, lost forever, trapped in quotidian tasks, commuting office to home, home to office and always engrossed in daily chores of life. I had never done anything out of a box in my life, or never had any nerves to do so. I still remember that day, when as usual after having a hectic day at my office I reached my home. But unlike normal day, I was really tired that day and so the only thing I could see in front of my eyes was a bed. After listening to all the honking of traffic on my way home my head was really heavy and even my eyes were swollen therefore I felt so exhausted that rather than keeping things in place I just dropped my stuff and fell to my bed and in no moment I was in arms of sleep. Suddenly I heard thumping noise of someone shutting the door and it shook me out of my slumber, although still not fully conscious I gathered myself and moved out of my bed with my office clothes still on my body. Still feeling groggy I looked at the wall clock and realized that I dozed off for more than 3 hours.
Suddenly I heard a very dim ringtone of my phone ringing bell but by the time I reached it I missed the call. But looking at my phone I realized that I have not got time in the entire day to check my phone for the mails and notifications. After replying to important mails, I opened my Fb account as I did not want to do anything that night. To my utter surprise, I had this notification for a new friend request and that too from an unknown beautiful girl. (Now let me explain the gravity of this scenario first, there is a hell lot of difference in FB home page of a girl and a boy. When a girl opens her Fb page she would definitely have 100 notifications of her recent photo being liked not only by friends but by strangers too and above that it really does not matter what the picture is about, it would have numerous praising comments. Apart from this she would have at least 15-20 friend requests from random guys but it is totally the opposite for a boy.)
So the first thought which crossed my mind was that the request is from some hoax profile or any of my friends or cousins is trying to fool me around as I had full confidence on my destiny when it comes to a girl. But still I decided to at least check the profile and I do not why whether it was my hunch or something else I somehow felt that the friend request was from a genuine girl. Now, this is a moment of ecstasy for a guy who has been single throughout his life and could never muster enough courage to approach any of girls in his life. So with a pounce, I accepted the request before the girl might realize her mistake and cancel the request. Full of excitement and eagerness I was sailing on the ship of happiness but did not know to which next quay I should steer my ship. So I decided to wander my mind away from these thoughts by engrossing myself in a book but it was of no use. I was too curious to know about this girl and several questions were floating in my mind. Does she know me? If not, then why did she send me a request and if yes then how come she is so unfamiliar to me?
Finally, when I was not able to hold my horses, I decide to ping her on messenger. But trust me it was not that easy for me, as being a novice in talking to a girl I had a real struggle even in deciding which word would sound more appropriate “Hey” or “Hi”. Adding to my difficulties was this thought that was constantly pestering my mind “First impression is the last impression”. So I rolled up my sleeves to figure out what would be my first line of conversation via which I could have that first impression on her. But with so many questions buzzing in my mind and not able to find words to subsume each and every feeling of mine, I finally decided to go with simple” Hi”. I thought after sending “Hi” my thirst of eagerness would quench but instead, now I was even more restless constantly checking my phone, again and again, waiting for the reply even though I knew that my phone would beep in case if she would reply. Nevertheless, after waiting for a while when I was about to give up, my phone vibrated and there it was a “Hi”. Though these were only two letters, but I spun the whole world of fantasy out of them. But soon the reality pricked the bubble of my delusional world, and I realized that I have to decide what to write next. I had already utilized every inch of my creativity in writing the first word “Hi” but still gathering the last flickers of my creativity and controlling my nervousness I strangely came out with this “Do I know you because it is really rare that a beautiful girl sends request to a boy”.
The moment the message was sent I realized that not only the message lacked any sort of creativity instead it carried the tone of flirting and superfluous flattery but the arrow was already fired. Keeping my fingers crossed for the reply I was surprised with her response. Instead of replying to my question she herself asked me another question: “Can I know your sister’s name?” Now, this came out of blue, not able to gauge why she was interested in my sister I literally fumbled with words. But after continuing our chat for some time I got to know that she was looking for some guy who had the same name as mine. He used to live in her locality back in her childhood days and he was sort of her first crush. She could never approach him at that time and after that, they moved to different cities. So in her search operation on Fb for the same boy, she came across my profile and despite being not sure of me she sent me the friend request. As it has been a long time so she does not know anything else about him except his sister name who was her classmate, and therefore she wanted to confirm if I was the same boy she was looking for with the help of a sister name.
Now, this revelation unwrapped the mystery of sister name and unknown friend request for me. It was a mixed bag of emotions for me, I was so happy to know that even in today’s aphrodisiac world there are people out there who believe in first and true love but on the other hand, I was so dejected that I was not the same person she was looking for. I was so mesmerized and enthralled by her persistence to continue her search for such a long time and that too just on the basis of a name (sister’s name). I had never met the girl in person I did not even know her I just had few words with her and that too on messenger, I do not know why but somehow I felt for her. I do not know the reason but in this little conversation itself, I started feeling connected to her. I did not gaze into her beautiful eyes, neither did I hold her hands nor there was any magnetic attraction of her appearance but still, I felt as if I found the missing puzzle of my life. I yearned to be the same boy she was looking for so that I could be a part of her world, I could have her tender feeling which she was having for another person with the same name as mine. For the first time in my life I did not want to be me but someone else instead, I was restless, I could feel my heart thumping and I could not think anything else than this girl.
In the midst of all this turmoil, my phone vibrated again, and there was yet another message from her, “You still there?” I was in life dilemma should I be honest or lie to her, as I really did not want to loose her. My fingers were shivering while holding the phone, repeatedly typing and then deleting not able to decide what should I do? There was a battle going in between my mind and my heart, but somehow I could not lie to her and with great difficulty I brushed my feelings under the carpet and with a heavy heart told her the truth. Again my phone vibrated and there was the succinct reply: “Oh my mistake, I am so sorry”. I could feel the agony in her words for a futile attempt of seeking her first crush (Mohalle ka Pyaar). I could empathies with her pain, her glimmering hope of finding him was gone but to my dismay, I could solace her only with my words. After knowing that I was not the one, she tried to leave the conversation but I really did not want her to leave. Despite knowing the reality, somewhere deep down my heart I wished if somehow I could make her realize how I feel about her. But as usual, I had no words to express my feelings, as usual, I was again not able to convey my feelings to a girl. After a brief conversation and stupidly fooling around petty useless talk rather than telling her how I felt for her, she finally said “Bye”.
Those were the 3 letters which I never wanted to say her but out of no choice I said: “Bye It was a pleasure talking to you”. As it was too late in night I laid down hoping that someday again I would have chat with her and closed my eyes but the thought which came to my mind was
I might not be him
But can I be him
I may not be your first
But can I be your last…..